I was searching for any books to read awhile ago when I found this purple-covered, heart-filled Barbie Diary (I have always loved Barbie and hated Bratz). Ahh, this was my diary back in forth grade.
I was elicited with Oohs and Aahs as I read some of the cutest, naughtiest and kiddy things I've done then. Like when I spent all of my money to buy my parent's gift for christmas. There were also the entries wherein I rant about the pettiest things in the world. Such as, how I never got to ride one of the Brightest ride in the mall or how I never got to eat at Jollibee. Also, there was this annoying classmate who'd turn out to be my crush in sixth grade.
Reading my little purple diary made me feel guilt of what I've become. I
was an optimistic 9 year old. In each entry there's always this word BUT.
Hindi ako pinayagan ni Mama
but I know it's for my own good naman ehh..
Ang saya ko kasi saturday, walang pasok but nagkita pa rin kami ng friends ko
but happy rin naman ehh...
Ang saya ko kasi we played in the computer sa school
but pinagalitan si Reniel...
Take note, as far as I can remember that classmate Reniel was a bully of mine and I
dislike him for that.
At that age, hate was just a word. Just a word.
Also, in fourth grade my mom had cancer. Colon Cancer.
See? How optimistic.
While looking for any books to read I also found my diary last year. It was still purple but with no hearts anymore. Instead, it had a lot of black, pink and violet doodles in its cover. Yes, teenage angst.
It contains teenage stuffs that I've been going through. Crushes, friend rivalries and hate.
Yes, hate. Now, hate isn't just a word. It's now a feeling. A deep feeling of angst.
There were words a fourth grader couldn't even utter there and probably understand.
Jovial, Gaiety, Melancholy, Depression, Unrelenting and etc.And there were also disgraceful words that I am not proud of saying nor writing.
Fuck, Damn, Bitch, Damn, Shit and etc.Up to now, I still utter those words with angst and hate. Unconsciously and unintentionally.
And most of the time, my crushes are the main topic of the entries.
OMG!! I saw crush this morning and he looked at me! OMG!!!My diaries are proof of the change I've had and the differences of being a kid and a teenager.
Being a kid is fun. Full of play time and toys. Everything can be your toy.You don't have to worry anything. A scratch or bruise means nothing. Kids don't worry any peklats. Peklats don't matter to them.
Being a teenager is fun...and unpredictable. I'm still going through teenage stuffs. Dude, I'm only 14. And still, I have the hatred and angst, the gaiety and joviality of being a teen.
Labels: teenager
